Why do we have fears and insecurities? I ask myself this question quite often because even though I have worked on my mindset and am now a master at the Law of Attraction, I am still human after all.
I had a few days of a fearful takeover in my relationship with my sweet chemist. He said something and it totally triggered me. I was internally freaking out, though I would just stare at him with my big, doe eyes and said nothing. This lasted a few days during our interactions, but last night my fear reared its ugly head. Nothing scary, but it was no longer Jaclyn talking. Rather, it was fearful Jaclyn reacting to the conversation.
I went to bed last night feeling defeated. I was so desperately searching for some kind of validation that I won’t get hurt over time. We have been together for a year and 10 months. My past relationships started taking serious and scary downward spirals about a year and a half into them. That one sentence he said to me a few days ago triggered me, but another sentence said to me catapulted my fears into the air of freak-out energy.
Clearing the Air
After a few days of allowing my fear to take control over me, I woke up this morning and I told him it’s not his job to give me validation about whether or not our relationship will grow even deeper between us. I told him it’s not up to him to make me feel secure in our relationship. And I told myself it’s up to ME to resolve this fear that crept up to the surface. I know everything I am fearful around stems from my past. It took me a few days to clear the fearful fog and own up to the fact that I’m human and damn it, I have fears I will get hurt by him. I pride myself in being logical most of the time, but these past few days were emotionally driven by my own past demons.
If You Love Someone, Let Them Fly
What was the lesson I learned in this? It’s not anyone’s job to make me feel secure except for it being MY job to do so. No one else in the world is going to make me feel secure with who I am other than ME. And it’s perfectly natural and normal to have fear when it comes to trusting others we want to be close to in our lives- no matter who we let into our energy sphere. I was being stubborn and being hard on him because I wanted answers of validation of mental and emotional security. But, it’s not up to him to provide that TO me. It’s up to ME to provide that to me.
Last night after we talked and I was still existing in my haze of fear, I asked myself:
Take away all the emotion and fear, what would I really do in order to respond to this situation in an empowering way?
And that’s how I was able to clear the fear-fog and have my moment of clarity. Sure, it took a full night’s sleep to allow it to emerge, but it did and it was because I was willing to allow myself to step away from my fear and emotion in order to examine the situation through an empowering RESPONSE rather than an emotional, fearful REACTION.
Sometimes I like to write my question down and let it linger for a while until I have my moment of clarity: what would I really do in order to respond to this situation in an empowering way?
It Can Be Done with Anything & Everything
This can be performed with anything and everything in life, even in business. Take a moment, write it down, let it linger (yes, The Cranberries, we want this question to linger for a bit), walk away, and allow yourself to be open to the outcome.
This is how your answer comes to you with ease because you let go of trying to control the outcome. And most of the time it works out much better than you think it will. Have faith and trust the process. Detach from the outcome and surrender to the Universe’s timing and way.