Disclosure: Feeling Vulnerable Through Growth

Vulnerable

This morning I came across a sponsored (advertisement) post on Instagram from a New York Times best-selling author. I wondered why I was still being “targeted” by their ad campaigns because I’m not their ideal book-reader demographic. They have a massive best-selling book that was published in (I think) 2018. They live in Texas (like me), but I think they are more religious than spiritual. ? Not sure.

Regardless, I don’t follow them on social media, I’ve never bought their book, and I think I watched 2 videos of this person with their spouse in 2018 (which led me to realize I’m not their ideal demographic).

This morning, curiosity killed the cat, as they say…

I opened their Instagram profile and “snooped” through the comments section of their posts. I had no idea they were doing workshops centering around having a good marriage, etc. And I just learned this morning that a couple of months ago their marriage has fallen apart.

This person, who is now a millionaire and a New York Times best-selling author (something I dream of with my own books!), has quite a bit of negative backlash from book-readers and customers stating they feel like this person is a “scam” and “scammer”.

My “alert!” antenna went up and my brain immediately conjured my subconscious fears that have been at play for a few months now.

Facing Public’s Opinions of You and of Your Work

I’m scared. To be honest, I’ve been feeling scared for a few months now. Maybe it’s partly due to COVID-19, not sure. I know it’s due to the expectations I put upon myself to “do better”, 4 business hiccups I’ve encountered this year in 2020, and the fear of negative public response of my work as I keep going and growing.

It’s so easy to want to “shrink” back into my shell, especially because I AM an introvert.

During my ManiFASTing journaling this morning I asked myself to weigh each answer with a percentage, 0% being the lowest of importance and 100% being the highest of importance and explains WHY, to the following questions. Here is what I came up with:

Does shrinking back into my “shell” make me feel good about my soul’s purpose-work (what gets me out of bed each day that fills me with passion)?

5% yes and 95% no. It’s safe and comfy, overall feeling safe feels boring and stagnant.

Does shrinking back into my “shell” make me feel better about my self-growth?

0% yes, 100% no. I want to continue growing because I love who I have become so far. It’s not easy 100% of the time, but the growth is what got me where I am today and I feel good about it.

Does shrinking back into my “shell” make me feel fulfilled as a human being, as a soul?

100% no, 0% yes. I want to feel fulfilled in everything I do and accomplish. I want my legacy when I leave this world to be that I helped others fulfill their own dreams and desires in everything they do and accomplish in their lives, too.

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Why am I doing all this, to begin with?…

Is it seriously to “win” the approval of others?

30% yes and 70% no. I’m human, I want to be liked and I want positive feedback just like anyone else. At the end of the day, does it really matter what they think dictates my own happiness and fulfillment? No. It matters what I think about myself and for my own life. Not everyone is going to want “my flavor of ice cream”, but that doesn’t mean it’s not any good at all.

Is it for the money?

15% yes, 85% no. Money is a tool, it is not an outcome to happiness or success.

Is it to explore and find out what I’m capable of in the world?

100% yes, 0% no. I had no idea AT ALL that I could accomplish what I have so far, and if I didn’t explore it and allow for changes in my life, all my blessings and events wouldn’t have happened for me. I’m so grateful!

Is it to help others find out what they are capable of in the world?

90% yes, 10% no. I can’t help people who don’t truly want to allow for changes in their lives. You get positive changes when you allow for positive changes to happen. I cannot force it upon anyone, I’m here to help those who truly want to receive their dreams and desires.

Feel the Fear and Do It, Anyway

I read back to myself what I typed out and I’m reminded of a few quotes by Eleanor Roosevelt:

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway.

—————-

I encourage you to ask yourself the same questions about your dreams and aspirations for your career, business, and for your life, and find out what YOU decide.

You are the keeper of your own legacy: others may tell you your supposed story, but you get to decide how your story ends.

THE SURPRISING LESSON I LEARNED: DO YOU KNOW THIS?

– XOXO Jaclyn (much love to you)

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